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Mourning - 2
Nov. 2nd, 2014 05:27 pmI keep thinking of things I want to tell Mom. Friday evening there were four trick-or-treaters and I would have told her about their costumes and how I had found the tootsie pops she had in the kitchen to have something to give them.
Two things which really made me lose it were finding: 1) the box of index cards on which she wrote down all the books she read, with one index card per author, and 2) a folder in which she kept a whole bunch of stuff I wrote in the late 1980's when I was first starting to spend a lot of time on-line.
On the downside, I also get annoyed at how much stuff there is in the house. I know what to do with some of it, but I have no idea on much of it.
But there are now two empty shelves and 2 empty drawers (one in her bedroom, one in mine). That is something my brother says he has never actually seen in this house.
I am going to be going home, to my own clutter, tomorrow. I have a lot of decisions to make about how I want to approach the mourning process. When my father died, I was so much younger and in a very different place in my own life. I've had a lot more loss over the intervening years and it feels like that should make a difference.
Two things which really made me lose it were finding: 1) the box of index cards on which she wrote down all the books she read, with one index card per author, and 2) a folder in which she kept a whole bunch of stuff I wrote in the late 1980's when I was first starting to spend a lot of time on-line.
On the downside, I also get annoyed at how much stuff there is in the house. I know what to do with some of it, but I have no idea on much of it.
But there are now two empty shelves and 2 empty drawers (one in her bedroom, one in mine). That is something my brother says he has never actually seen in this house.
I am going to be going home, to my own clutter, tomorrow. I have a lot of decisions to make about how I want to approach the mourning process. When my father died, I was so much younger and in a very different place in my own life. I've had a lot more loss over the intervening years and it feels like that should make a difference.
