Ink!

May. 20th, 2014 04:46 pm
fauxklore: (storyteller doll)
You may (but probably don't) recall that a couple of years ago one of my goals involved sending entries in for the Washington Post Style Invitational. I accomplished that, but didn't get any ink out of them. Since then, I have sent in an entry now and again, though infrequently. Because it takes time and thought, which are commodities in short supply today.

Last night, as part of pre-vacation preparations, I opened a bunch of mail from the past week and a half or so. And I found a loser magnet (the "Puns of Steel" one). That's what you get for an honorable mention, though I believe I should technically have gotten the pine air freshener ("fir stink") for first ink.

At any rate, I got ink!

(And, yes, I know nobody else on the planet is as excited about this as I am.)
fauxklore: (baseball)
First, I did get around to uploading photos of the Dupont Circle Valentine's Day yarn bombing.

About the only significant thing I did the week before leaving was go out to dinner with the D.C. flyertalk crowd. Well, actually, there was someone visiting from northern California, but I see her on the East Coast all the time. There was one new person and I hope we didn't scare him too badly. We ate at BTS, by the way, which is a trendy burger joint in Foggy Bottom. I thought it was quite good and they have an excellent beer menu, including Big Daddy IPA. But the conversation is really the point and that was, of course, excellent.

I can get a piece of paper off my desk if I mention that my immediate reaction to seeing a "kangaroo wallet" in a catalogue was to speculate about what kangaroos have that they can't just carry loose in their pockets.

As for celebrity death watch, I can't say much for either Andrew Breitbart or James Q. Wilson other than that the latter was at least a more thoughtful and more civil Conservative pundit. But I can recycle a pun for Davy Jones and sing, "I'm a bereaver."

I have a couple of non-celebrity deaths to cope with, too - a friend's husband and a colleague. There is also the imminent demise of Melody Records in Dupont Circle, a place that has been way more responsible for exercising my credit card than I care to admit.

In more positive news, Fenway Park has been declared a National Historic Site! Yay! I should also mention the retirements of Tim Wakefield and of Jason Varitek. Tek, in particular, was one of my favorites for many years, probably because he played his entire major league career for the Red Sox. I wish him (and Wake) well for the future.

Speaking of baseball, I now have a ticket to a game at the new ballpark in Miami. No, I'm not obsessive, no, not at all.

Finally, I read today that the Grim Reaper walks at 2.4 miles per hour. (Before you ask, I've already forgotten where I read it, but if you insist I will claim it was an actual scientific reference.) I hope that is referring to flat terrain only.

Not Cake

Oct. 18th, 2010 04:50 am
fauxklore: (Default)
This is one of my hodegpodge entries - basically everything but cake.

Follow-ups: Ron solved the mystery of my "303/357" note to myself. That's a battery size and I wrote it down when I needed to replace the batteries in two of my travel alarm clocks.

I solved the mystery of "3200-11" myself by (duh) googling it. It's a DoD Instruction having to do with test ranges.

I also did a bit of research on "boughten" and found it is northern U.S. dialect. I will note that I use it only as an adjective and almost entirely in relation to food items, though I could stretch to referring to a boughten sweater (as opposed to a hand-knit one).

Sometimes the headline says it all: "Car eating rabbits invade Denver airport." The story explains that the rabbits eat soy-based wiring found in some late model cars.

Weird thing to wonder about: Suppose a transsexual decides to convert to Judaism. What would an Orthodox rabbi do? I am, of course, assuming the person's history is known to the rabbi, but the question becomes harder in some ways and easier in others if it is not.

Fun with names: I was amused to learn that one of the largest manufacturers of glass for the defense industry (e.g. in night vision glasses) is Schott.

Celebrity death watch: I am slightly annoyed (though not at all surprised) that Barbara Billingsley (who played June Cleaver on Leave It To Beaver) got a lot more attention than Benoit Mandelbrot (who did much of the key mathematical research on fractals).

Story swap: I went to the Voices in the Glen story swap at Michael's on Saturday night. There was a reasonably good turn out and the swaps are always fun. A particular highlight was hearing Eve's son, Jonathan, tell "Birds of America." I also enjoyed Bill's story about Elizabeth Bathory.

Coral Reef Update: The Hyperbolic Crochet Coral Reef Exhibit is open at the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History! It was supposed to open on Saturday but there was a water main break on Constitution Avenue, so the museum was closed. I saw the reef yesterday afternoon and it is lovely. The community reef is the biggest part of the display and is huge. I was able to find some of my contributions. And my name is spelled correctly on the plaque, which is always a plus. The exhibit runs through April 24, so you have lots of time to check it out.

USA Science and Engineering Festival: The inaugural USA Science and Engineering Festival is next weekend. There will be booths on the National Mall and around Freedom Plaza and Wilson Plaza and in the Mellon Auditorium. I'm volunteering and will be at the Mellon Auditorium info booth all day Saturday, so stop by and say hello if you're there. And you should be there. It looks like there are a lot of cool interactive exhibits and plenty of performances on four major stages and several smaller ones. (In case you are wondering how I came to be involved, the call for volunteers went out to a local MIT email list. I went to the volunteer training yesterday, which is why I was already in the city to check out the coral roof.)

Amazing Race: I haven't been to Kiruna, Sweden, though I've been to Sweden and I've stayed at another Ice Hotel (in Quebec). My wrap-up is behind a cut since some people may not have viewed the episode yet.

Read more )
fauxklore: (Default)
I was going to write a brief rant on the unhelpfulness of my company's help desk, but I'm in an "accentuate the positive" mood. So, instead, excerpts from a brief email exchange at work, which started with a reminder of a retirement ceremony for an Air Force officer who used to be in our group. Note that the name of the pub is actually pronounced "Shinn-ay." I will use first initials, except that two people involved both have names that start with R.

K: Reception after the ceremony will be at Sine's Irish Pub.

R1: Is there also a Cosine's Irish Pub?

S: Let's not go off on a tangent.

Me: See what you've TRIG-gered.

K: This is all very funny once I had someone explain it to me, but stop with the math jokes.

R2: Why? Have you reached your limit?
fauxklore: (Default)
I am feeling more caught up with life in general after Pesach preparations and taxes. By the way, I found the piece of paper with the routing number for the credit union on my dining room table. It had been in the newsletter they include with their monthly statement. So I can inflict these on you:

1) If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

2) Did you hear about the guy who fell into the upholstery machine? He's fully recovered.
fauxklore: (Default)
I like making up names for products that don't exist but should. Hence, the following two names for drugs that Eli Lilly or Merck should get cracking on:

Lyricease - a cure for earworms. (This is particularly urgent because, even though I didn't much care for Legally Blond, the song "Omigod You Guys" keeps breaking into my skull. And I walked around for three days this past week humming Ralph McTell's "Streets of London.")

Knitarrest -stops that urge to do just one more row, one more row, one more row until next thing one knows it is hours past bedtime.
fauxklore: (Default)
Thanks to the aforementioned The World According to Bertie, I have a new parlor game to play.

Matthew (who is an art dealer) tells Angus (a painter) about Antonin Artaud (the French dramatist / critic who shares my birthday). Apparently, Artaud painted monochrome canvases and gave them clever names as a joke. The all white one was "Anaemic Virgins on their Way to their First Communion in a Snowstorm." An all red one was "Apoplectic Cardinals Picking Tomatoes by the Red Sea."

Matthew then has Angus try to come up with a few titles. For blue, he proposes "A Depressed Conservative at a Risque Film Convention" or "A Sailor at Sea, Swearing." My favorite was for green - "An Envious Conservationist Sitting on the Grass Reading Our Man in Havana."

What I've come up with so far is:
Yellow: Cowardly Canaries in a Field of Buttercups
Pink: Healthy Socialists Snipping Fabric at a Barbie Convention

Your turn.
fauxklore: (Default)
Some time ago (back in 2002, in fact), I created a parlor game called "one-letter recipes." I described it as follows in an entry over on Areas of Unrest.

The object was to add a single letter to the name of a food in order to suggest an entire recipe. For example, salmond must be salmon cooked with almonds. Papricot is a bland baby food flavored with apricots. Bacone is bacon formed into a cone shape, to be filled with scrambled eggs. I tried this out on Tiny Tim and the best one I heard in response was "skim chee = low fat fermented cabbage." Folks came up with several variants, including adding letters in the middle, to which I speculated on whether pope tarts would be made from communion wafers. You can also just do general puns on the concept, e.g. mustardy is a yellow condiment that always arrives after the rest of the meal. Or add multiple letters. If your friends are anything like mine, they'll be at it for hours. Oh, another good one was "pizzap" for microwaved pizza.

A fairly common meal in Madagascar is zebu steaks or brochettes. (Zebu are humped cattle, which are used primarily as beasts of burden.) They are often accompanied by a nice bottle of Three Horses Beer. I believe this combination should be named "zebru."
fauxklore: (Default)
As some of you know, I am fond of puns and often use them as a basis when selecting wines to buy. (Which mostly proves that I know nothing about wine, but that's besides the point.)

I once gave a friend a gift that included both Marilyn Merlot and Blockheadia Ringnosii.

Lately, I've been fond of 7 Deadly Zins.

In the store this evening, I ran across the best name yet. There is a wine for sale right at my local Safeway called Screw Kappa Napa.
fauxklore: (Default)
Did you hear about the thug who married three times? Each of his wives bore him seven boys.

He was widely known as the 21-son galoot.
fauxklore: (Default)
I finished rereading the college humor book (from which I have posted a couple of puns here) and discovered within it one of my favorite punnish pieces of all time. Namely, a series of pictures of sheep with the caption "See the merino standing there / with his long shaggy hair." The puns are mostly on the word "hair" which becomes "heir," "hayer," etc.

The piece is apparently from The Harvard Lampoon, but what is bothering me is that I have distinct memories of having seen it in Mad Magazine in my youth. I suppose it's possible that Mad bought it subsequent to its original publication, but that would seem rather unusual for them. Is there an index to Mad somewhere which would tell me?
fauxklore: (Default)
Greta Garbo was seen to spread grass seed in her hair. When asked why, she replied, "I vant to be a lawn."

Cute joke

Dec. 23rd, 2007 07:31 am
fauxklore: (Default)
I'm still going through my books to find ones to get rid of, which means rereading a lot of them. The following is out of an anthology of college humor and dates to late 19th century Yale:

Johnny: Funny, you never hear about labor unions south of the equator.

Charlie: Of course not. It's illegal to strike below the belt.

Chris-mas

Nov. 30th, 2007 06:13 pm
fauxklore: (Default)
Yesterday, I ran into two people I worked with at my previous job. Both of them are named Chris. Obviously, it's beginning to look a lot like Chris-mas.

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